You might think you’re an expert on your
own package. After all, keeping it happy and healthy is a central goal
for most men. But despite how frequently you think about your Pen.!s and
testicles, they contain a few mystical secrets you still haven’t
uncovered.
- 1. YOU CAN DEADLIFT WITH YOUR DONG.
The practice of “iron crotch” is a
legitimate—albeit niche—form of kung fu. In his martial arts studio in
Los Angeles, Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng teaches students how to lift more
weight with straps wrapped around their flaccid Pen.!ses than you can
bench press. (Check out the video evidence on
YouTube.)
YouTube.)
In the early aughts, he gained some
media attention for towing a tractor trailer with his junk, and a couple
years later followed up that stunt by pulling an 8,000-pound World War
II-era fighter plane down a runway for the National Geographic.
Jin-Sheng claims that in addition to
improving your virility and the length of your Pen.!s, strapping heavy
weights to your groin also relieves a variety of ailments from diabetes
to heart disease—and it’s safe to say those claims haven’t been
confirmed.
- 2. YOUR ERECTION CAN BE GRADED.
Tumescence—you know, the stiffness of
your soldier—can be measured on a four-step scale: Bigger but not yet
rigid; not hard enough for penetration; firm for intercourse, but not
rock-hard; and fully engorged.
The “erection hardness scale” was
developed by scientists who were testing the drug Viagra during the
1990s. The primary method used at the time, the International Index of
Erectile Function, asked men to rate their boner based on their
self-confidence, and how often they could have S3@.x:’.
But while the original study showing
that Viagra works was going to press, the editors of the New England
Journal of Medicine suggested a simpler way of quantifying erection
outcome data, says study author Irwin Goldstein, M.D.
- 3. MEN ARE JUST AS SENSITIVE AS WOMEN
We’re talking about sensitivity to
touch, of course. When it comes to sensation on your genitals, men and
women are almost identical.
Separate studies at Cornell University
(for women) and Michigan State University (for men) used a scientific
device that measures the lightest amount of pressure a person can feel
on their skin. For guys, the most sensitive areas were the tip of the
foreskin, and the area on the underside of the Pen.!s just below the
glans called the frenulum. For the ladies, the most receptive regions
were the inner labia.
But according to the sensitivity scale,
men and women were in a dead heat. Both genders responded to the same
level of touch: Just two-tenths of a gram of pressure could be felt.
- 4. BACTERIA ON YOUR JUNK CAN LEAD TO AIDS.
You’re probably aware that your colon is
full of different bacteria, most of which are helpful. The tip of your
Pen.!s also harbors its own colony of bacteria, but those tiny critters
may affect your risk of HIV infection.
Researchers at Johns Hopkins University
have shown that uncircumcised men harbor harmful bacteria underneath
their foreskin that thrives in the oxygen-starved environment.
“The anaerobic bacteria or other
organisms there cause inflammation, which attracts the immune system’s
T-cells that HIV targets and makes them more susceptible to infection,”
says study author Ronald Gray, M.D., a professor of epidemiology at
Johns Hopkins.
Of course, if you’re uncircumcised and
want to avoid STDs, you could simply wear a condom. And follow these
guidelines on How to Keep Your Private Parts Healthy.
- 5. MORNING WOOD CAN HURT.
Whether you’re dreaming of a S3@.x:’y
encounter or not, you probably wake up ready for action on most
mornings. In fact, men typically experience between three and five full
erections at night, typically during the deep, rapid-eye movement phase
of sleep.
So imagine then how miserable it would
be to become afflicted with “sleep-related painful erections.” It’s a
rare condition (a little more than 30 cases have been reported so far)
in which the erections you achieve in dreamland—but not necessarily the
ones you get while awake—are painful instead of pleasurable, and they
hurt enough to wake you up.
Doctors still aren’t sure why exactly
these erections cause pain during sleep. (But we do know What REALLY
Happens When You Fracture Your Pen.!s.)
- 6. YOUR Pen.!s TRICKS WOMEN INTO THINKING IT’S A MONSTER.
Chalk it up to wishful thinking or
memory’s way of making things seem better than reality, but a recent
study found that women remember Pen.!ses as being larger than they
really were.
Researchers at the University of
California had 41 gals handle a 3D-printed dildo for 30 seconds. Then
the study participants completed a short survey, after which they had to
reach into a bin of 32 other fake wieners and pick the one they held
before.
As it turns out, the women generally pulled out a phony phallus that was bigger than the original one. Score!
- 7. YOU CAN PIERCE YOUR PRICK AS MANY TIMES AS YOU’D LIKE
The opening of your urethra at the tip of your Pen.!s has a name: the meatus. (Add your own joke here.)
If that doesn’t seem to be an adequate
number of holes in your family jewels, you could take after Rolf
Bucholz, a German man who holds the official record for the most body
piercings.
According to the official count by the Guinness World Records, out of Bucholz’s 453 piercings, 278 are on his genitals.
- 8. SOME GUYS LIKE GETTING KICKED IN THE BALLS
A swift kick to the crotch is probably
at the bottom of the list of things you want to have happen to you
during S3@.x:’. But for some guys, “ballbusting” is a sado-masochistic
S3@.x:’ual fetish—part of the menu of services you might hire a
dominatrix to perform.
Close to 10,000 members (including men
and women) of the kinky social networking site FetLife list it as a
personal interest, and there are 33,000 results for “ballbusting” on
YouTube. (Search at your own risk.)
As in all things weird and S3@.x:’ual, the Japanese even have a specific name for it: Tamakeri.
- 9. A TWISTED TESTICLE CAN LEAVE YOU WITH ONE NUT
First, the good news: Your balls can’t
get tangled with each other like your iPod earbuds, since your scrotum
contains two separate compartments divided by a thin membrane.
What can happen, however, is an
individual testicle can spin around, which twists the spermatic cord
until it cuts off blood flow. It’s incredibly painful, and “testicular
torsion” can cost you the nut if not treated quickly enough.
While it’s most likely to occur when
your gonads are developing either as an infant or a teenager, a British
study reported that cyclists are at increased risk of testicular torsion
due to the rocking motion they make while seated on bike saddle.
- 10. ERECTIONS CAUSE YOU TO MAKE BAD DECISIONS
Back in 2005, scientists at MIT and
Carnegie Mellon University had 35 men answer a survey both in a normal
state and while masturbating to what the researchers called “a high but
sub-org.@$mic level of arousal.”
When the men were turned on, they rated
just about everything the scientists asked about as much more
S3@.x:’ually attractive, including women’s shoes, the idea of a
guy-guy-girl threesome, and even the smell of cigarette smoke.
At the same time, during masturbation
the guys said they were willing to work harder to get laid, whether it
was as simple as telling your date “I love you” to get her to sleep with
you, or the immoral act of intentionally getting her more drunk.
That doesn’t necessarily mean all guys
think with their Pen.!s, but being horny has more sway over your
decisions that you probably realized.
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