Ladies, see seven funny things you do with your bo*bs that will definitely make him go crazy!

Fun things to try with your bo*bs – You might think that only a spoiled-rotten dude, bored of blow jobs, v*ginal, and possibly even anal s*x, would want to put titty-4ucking on the menu. However!

1. A guy’s not the Veruca Salt of interc ourse — or insulting your other 5exual routines — just because he wants to have s*x with your bo*bs. He loves your bo*bs, and you (hopefully) love your b*obs, and together your love will nurture your b*obs until they get into a top-tier college and graduate summacum laude. Or, at the very least, be the hot dog bun for his hot dog.

2. No bo*bs are too small. You might be a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, but as a lifelong card-carrier I can tell you that when there’s a will, there’s a way — although, admittedly, pushing them together does tend to be a bit painful. At first, you might feel like a doofus, but once you see he’s getting off on it, you’ll start to feel like a Powerful Woman Made of Bre asts and Magic.
3. There are two primary positions, depending on your cup size. One involves him on his back and you bending over him, pushing them together. There’s a reason that the most flattering boob-shot selfies are taken from that angle — for smaller-chested girls, thanks to the miracle of gravity, it gives you cleavage you may not have when you’re on your back. If you’ve got bigger breasts, you can lie on your back and have him crouch over you. (You could also have him sit on the edge of the bed while you kneel, facing him — but this will get uncomfortable after awhile. Or at least it does for me, because I am 27-going-on-TGIF Early Bird Special.)
4. Do not rely on spit to keep your between-bo,ob valley a waterslide. Saliva dries quickly and will only end in discomfort — go with a silicon-based lube. It lasts the longest, and while it can irritate some women when used during penetrative sex, you don’t have to worry about that this time.
5. If you want to free up your hands for any variety of activities, use your upper arms to continue to push your boobs together.

6. Ora.l is optional. Considering that the head of his penis will be bobbing up and down toward your face for the next three to seven minutes like a large and enthusiastic sandworm, you could totally put your mouth on it. But that’s totally your call. Some people like garnishing their deviled eggs with paprika; others think deviled eggs are delicious enough without it. Yes, I compare all s*x acts to egg recipes
7. Be aware that when he comes, you’re at a prime angle for a facial. When he’s about to finish, do you want to tell him to pull back and come on your breasts? Or are you prepared to take the hit to the eye? This is the shit Sara Bareilles wrote “Brave” about.

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