I had to learn these the hard way. Today, I’m a happily
engaged, relatively well-adjusted thirty-something guy. But I wasn’t always so
lucky, and it was a long (occasionally miserable) path to get to where I am
now.
For starters, my love life in high school was non-existent.In fact, I
never took a date to a singleformal, including all of my homecomings and both
of my proms.
1. Physical intimacy is not just
about getting my P in her V.
For me, $ex got a lot better when I
started to slow down and appreciate the moment. The sights, sounds, and smells
(yes, smells) all contribute to a unique, unforgettable, experience.
2. Love shouldn’t (and doesn’t) feel
like you’re settling.
In a few of my early relationships,
I made a number of emotional compromises because I simply had very little
experience. I learned much later that there’s no room in a relationship for
thoughts like, “this is as good as it gets” or questions like “everybody’s
relationship is similar to this, right?”
3. The word love should be used with
great care.
I should not have said it if I did
not mean it. I remember saying it simply because we were both so desperate to
feel something other than loneliness. We were both lying to ourselves and, even
worse than that, we were heaping ridiculous expectations onto something we both
knew would never work.
4. Condoms are not “optional,” no
matter what your partner says.
There is no fear quite like the fear
of a couple of 19-year-olds in the middle of a pregnancy scare. Oh, and did I
mention gonorrhea?
5. You have to just relax.
Dating in my early 20s was super
stressful. I was putting all sorts of pressure and immediacy on something that
should have been fun, casual, and slow. Instead, I was constantly swinging for
the emotional fences. I struck out—a lot. A lot of girls that were somewhat
curious were immediately turned off, and rightfully so, by my regrettable
intensity.
In one of my favorite movies, High
Fidelity, John Cusack’s character says, “Only people of a certain disposition
are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and
we were of that disposition.” I think about that, a lot.
6.Cut it out with the obsessive
texting.
Does anyone remember the scene in
Swingers where Jon Favreau got that girl’s number and kept leaving her
increasingly personal, misguided, and creepy voicemails until she finally
picked up and told him never to call her again? I am pretty sure that scene was
based on my early days of texting; I actually had women text me to say, “don’t
ever text me again.”
7. Don’t hang in there out of fear.
I should have never stayed in my
early relationships out of a misguided fear of being alone. It makes everyone,
including your friends, family and both partners involved absolutely miserable.
And I sacrificed my happiness for, what, security? It wasn’t worth it, and
ending things was always better than whatever it was I feared.
8. Awkward positions make for
awkward $ex.
There’s a reason that missionary and
reverse missionary are cla$$ics. One time, we tried to have some
legs-at-all-sorts-of-different-angles $ex in the shower and I put my hand right
through the tiles on her wall. That was an awkward call to the apartment complex
management.
9. The clit0ris.
It exists. Find it. Had I known,
there would have been at least two more $exually satisfied women on the planet.
Google it.
About Queen Larbih
0 comments:
Post a Comment